call me nacka strand

so i dont usually do this

because all my friends say if you want followers, no whining about your problems. but right now. i havent anywhere else to whine. or anybody to even talk to. its like i completely evaporated into this whisp of easily forgotten nothingness. my best friend doesnt want to be around me, because i tried to jump off a roof at her last party. my others friends play dumb to this obvious fact when all i really want is to go back to how we were us 4. but now she wont even reply to my apologies. apologies i shouldnt even be saying, but i feel i need to say in order to win her back. shouldnt real friends talk to you about stuff like that…not shut you out? what if i had jumped? would she even fucking care? who even knows anymore. and then theres the boy. sotypicalright? wrong. i want to be with him and make it magic and just get fucking high on each other and maybe a few other things. he gave her up for me before why can’t he do it again? why is it ok to fuck me but not be with me? why do you come over during your open lunch and we dont do anything but its still ok cuz were together and i know you feel it too except when you got mad cuz i wouldnt stop talking about her. but how can you not talk about her when shes the one in your profile picture and gets to say happy birthday baby even though you call me just to say goodnight and we can walk for miles trippppppping together.i know im disgusting and thats all i ever feel is disgusting and i dont want to be with someone who makes me feel disgusting like you sometimes do but thats only because of her without her we would be nice shiny clean and sparkling. i dont need official i just need you and you alone. i have one month of summer. it can be reserved for you. you need to pick, because i dont want to mess around anymore. i dont want it to be complicated i want it to be black and white and so beautiful its hard to look at. your pick maestro.